I don’t know why I did this blog. Xanga? WordPress? I have a personal one on xanga.com
Why do two blogs? It’s 2011 and perhaps I am doing something new here. I’ll wait and see where this leads me.
I am trying to think about my 2011 New Year Resolutions. I’m feeling a bit shattered right now because I don’t think I can figure out what resolutions I would like to make for this year. I’m going to just try and type down without thinking.
I need to find happiness within myself again. I want to be able to smile because the spirit inside of me. i don’t want to smile because of others. I don’t want to waste my happiness on someone else. When that someone leaves you or something happens, then that happiness gets destroyed. It’s not healthy. I need to take care of myself, learn how to relax, learn to breathe, try new music, and try not to be hard on myself. Take things easy. I want to be able to feel peaceful and smile like nobody is watching. I need to continue being with friends who are positive and enjoyable to be around with.
I really want to be in a relationship. I know I just had an heartbreaking breakup last year. But I still think I can do better. I know that I don’t really have to depend on anyone to make my life better. I know that being in a relationship isn’t the only way to keep life stable, because there’s nothing wrong with being single.
At this age, though, I have been single for too long and I feel that I can just have that one chance to allow myself to be in a healthy relationship. I want to be able to go on dates, go out, have fun, communicate, laugh, dance and share those things with my partner.
I still think there is someone out there for me. I want to be able to show myself with her and show her all the things I wished, waited, and wanted in a relationship. I know love is patience. I have decided to let myself go and let myself go and explore what’s around me. I will be willing to date if the offer is out there. I think all I ever wanted to feel is loved and be able to stay in her arms and just be with her. I’m leaving this all up to God, because I’m no longer searching. I’m leaving with no expectations. I cannot want something that is isn’t there. I cannot make others to be with me. I cannot do much, but not to worry. Love doesn’t start overnight. Love is a process. Until someone is interested in me, then time will tell.
I feel that I need to trust myself again and trust others. I need to allow myself to go further and believe in myself again. I need to remember that all things happened for a reason and that I should not beat myself over the past. It’s hard because I need to be able to trust myself again in order to move forward in life.
I think traveling is amazing. I would love to travel around the world. I want to travel with friends or take my partner with me and we’d travel together. I cannot travel on my own if I don’t get connected with the people I’d meet and become friends and be able to go all over the place. Enjoy ourselves and feel relaxed.
5. Expand my Creativity.
I want to expand my creativity out there. I know that school might be a lot of stress. I’m willing to do well in my classes and pick the right courses so that I can enjoy my classes and be able to participate freely without having to be so stressed all the time. I want to go back into poetry readings, I want to be able to join different queer groups, communities and be able to meet people through my creativity.